healing takes time and God is faithful to see us through dark times to shine light upon us.
These past months I have really focused on allowing my body to heal from past trauma. Emotionally I had worked through what I needed to work through, yet sensed my body still needed to release past emotions that almost felt locked inside my body.
I had no proof for those thoughts besides putting 6 years together of reading, therapy and educating myself on how a body processes and releases trauma - physically and emotionally.
What I didn't know 6 years ago in therapy is there are layers of pain and layers of pain take years to release. Our bodies are capable of only shedding so much at a time. I put that together after years of wondering why I didn't feel "lighter", in spite seeing significant growth in my soul with my past trauma.
I was ok with acknowledging trauma was a part of my story. I was more ok with seeing and sensing Gods redemptive hand of healing in my life, but I still felt I was carrying around a load of stones when I didn't need to. Even when the world was "perfect", this bag of "stones" would still be with me; small stones but real stones that felt like deep bitterness, anger, shame, disgust...
It wasn't until I saw the acupuncturist that informed me how the body processes and releases pain. Long story short, I instantly knew why this bag hadn't left me; my body didn't know how to release pain because when deep trauma and betrayal happens to a body/soul, the body almost shuts down in releasing and thus chucks of pain become locked in. It wasn't until years later with a chronic lower back pain did I realize what was really going on with me: stored emotional pain needing help to physically be released and more importantly stay released.
I remember at one point I told my Dr, "I feel my pain is traveling through my body and one day it will leave me." 20 years ago I would get migraines and I went on to tell her how over the years the pain has literally traveled through my body, but manifesting it self in different ways. When the Dr told me the pains I was describing was in the same meridian, I felt for the first time my pain & my soul were onto something....
I share this because no one ever told me when I was 29 (7 years ago) my journey of healing would be a road of not only emotionally releasing pain but physically as well. No one ever told me the art of understanding freedom in my walk is like putting on a new pair of shoes as I courageously addressed fear, pain, betrayal and trauma in its face. And in that walk it is often lonely and vulnerable.
I share this because no one ever told me how freeing life would be after I faced my demons. Oh, how the demons would try to discourage me and fight to keep me in the box of pain - emotionally or physically. Yes, I do believe at the end of the day, anytime trauma/abuse is endured, it crushes our souls and the fight to come through it is one big ugly fight because demons hate to see a soul taste freedom.
Once light hits a soul, darkness no longer has space to rest.
I share this because no one ever told me abuse is one chapter of a life, not an entire chapter. I would meet to many people along the way and would share their abuse story, implying that was the only chapter in their life. Yes, abuse happened to me for years as a young girl and emotionally as an older girl. However; this is just 1 chapter of 36 chapters my life is about and I want this to be a place of encouragement.
"What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger"
Yes - those words could not be more true.
In an odd way, there are times I am thankful for the years of hardship I went through and continue to battle at times (as at times flashbacks still come to me)...for now I want to focus on yes, healing takes times..and more importantly, our bodies and minds need to have space and time to heal. Layers come off when healing takes places. Deep layers. Deep layers need lots of space; sometimes physical space and sometimes emotional space. Layers come off when when a soul feels safe…and thats when light comes into a soul and Gods words of healing begin to heal each wound.
From lighting candles, to stepping back from things socially, to making a point to surround myself with support, to letting Gods words speak to me, to making myself do different therapies each week (conventional and unconventional), I have been passionate about allowing not only my soul to heal, but my body as well.exhausting.
tearful.
and worth every step.
be encouraged.
be blessed.
blossom.
God has plans for our souls to shine.
xox
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