"I lift up my eyes to the hills—
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.
He will not let your foot slip—
he who watches over you will not slumber;
indeed, he who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.
The LORD watches over you—
the LORD is your shade at your right hand;
the sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night.
The LORD will keep you from all harm—
he will watch over your life;
the LORD will watch over your coming and going
both now and forever more "
Sweetest Blessings.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Monday, January 18, 2010
My Heart
The past weeks I have had a couple of nights with so many tears I didn't know what was right from wrong. Anger and resentment were so full of me I was wondering what was becoming of me. This was not the way I saw myself starting my year. Besides I thought I had gone through this cycle enough...when would it be over...how much could my soul take?
I am still learning this walk is a new journey everyday as I continue to explore freedom. Everyday I put on a new pair of shoes...Sometimes it is tempting to put on my old pair of shoes...They feel more comfortable', safe, controlled...But to keep wearing my old shoes of fear and anger would be as wrong as abuse is itself.
I am still learning it is okay to have times of complete confusion, questions, buckets of anger that come out in tears.
I am still learning that is all okay because to keep emotions bottled up would rob me of embracing simple vulnerable moments each day. And just as important, those emotions would turn me into a person that would be my hearts enemy...I know that reality is what drives my heart to finally let go of intense pain and break down, no matter how fragile and broken I end up feeling.
Those intense moments - such real emotions of my need for my Jesus.
My mother once told me - every tear I shed is one more tear for Jesus to take...
Of course I question God; if I am child of the King, how could He have allowed me to have years of abuse? If God is so great - why didn't He stop my abuse...my journal has many more lines of questions that are as real today as they were real 4 years ago.
And then somehow my heart slowly lets go of my anger and starts asking questions like: How Great is my God to give me a path of healing: How Great is my God to allow me to marry a man that shows me respect like a queen and love like a best friend: How Great is my God to allow me to be a mother to precious children and have the gift of playing mom each day so I can be a part of their world: How Great is my God to show me how Powerful He is...
How is freedom measured if freedom is never sought for? How is healing measured if healing is never sought for? I know my past abuse shows me how Magnificent my God is - If He can heal me from years of being molested - He CAN move mountains and NOTHING is IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM to REDEEM...
My journey helps me let go of my children as they become little adults...10 & 8 going on 20 & 18....Because I see at the end of the day it is God who protects, heals and guides a life - no matter what is going on from day to day and no matter the intentions each day.
"Jesus, Thank you for my buckets of pain. WIthout my buckets of pain I would never see your powerful hand of healing. I would never see your ability to move mountains in life. I would never see your precious gift of redemption and realize the price you really paid for me.
Thank you for taking my wounds and letting me experience a walk of joy only thought were possible in dreams as a young girl. Jesus, You are life.
Forgive me the times I run to my idols of shopping and comfort to block out my pain - Please keep teaching me to run to you with my pain so I can rest in you and not short lived satisfaction.
Thank you for my gifts of Ken, Sophie and Cole and giving me a life that is richer than I could ever imagine. Most of all, thank you for your Book of Truth. Your words allow me to breath each day.
In Your Holy name, Amen"
Sweetest Blessings.
I am still learning this walk is a new journey everyday as I continue to explore freedom. Everyday I put on a new pair of shoes...Sometimes it is tempting to put on my old pair of shoes...They feel more comfortable', safe, controlled...But to keep wearing my old shoes of fear and anger would be as wrong as abuse is itself.
I am still learning it is okay to have times of complete confusion, questions, buckets of anger that come out in tears.
I am still learning that is all okay because to keep emotions bottled up would rob me of embracing simple vulnerable moments each day. And just as important, those emotions would turn me into a person that would be my hearts enemy...I know that reality is what drives my heart to finally let go of intense pain and break down, no matter how fragile and broken I end up feeling.
Those intense moments - such real emotions of my need for my Jesus.
My mother once told me - every tear I shed is one more tear for Jesus to take...
Of course I question God; if I am child of the King, how could He have allowed me to have years of abuse? If God is so great - why didn't He stop my abuse...my journal has many more lines of questions that are as real today as they were real 4 years ago.
And then somehow my heart slowly lets go of my anger and starts asking questions like: How Great is my God to give me a path of healing: How Great is my God to allow me to marry a man that shows me respect like a queen and love like a best friend: How Great is my God to allow me to be a mother to precious children and have the gift of playing mom each day so I can be a part of their world: How Great is my God to show me how Powerful He is...
How is freedom measured if freedom is never sought for? How is healing measured if healing is never sought for? I know my past abuse shows me how Magnificent my God is - If He can heal me from years of being molested - He CAN move mountains and NOTHING is IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM to REDEEM...
My journey helps me let go of my children as they become little adults...10 & 8 going on 20 & 18....Because I see at the end of the day it is God who protects, heals and guides a life - no matter what is going on from day to day and no matter the intentions each day.
"Jesus, Thank you for my buckets of pain. WIthout my buckets of pain I would never see your powerful hand of healing. I would never see your ability to move mountains in life. I would never see your precious gift of redemption and realize the price you really paid for me.
Thank you for taking my wounds and letting me experience a walk of joy only thought were possible in dreams as a young girl. Jesus, You are life.
Forgive me the times I run to my idols of shopping and comfort to block out my pain - Please keep teaching me to run to you with my pain so I can rest in you and not short lived satisfaction.
Thank you for my gifts of Ken, Sophie and Cole and giving me a life that is richer than I could ever imagine. Most of all, thank you for your Book of Truth. Your words allow me to breath each day.
In Your Holy name, Amen"
Sweetest Blessings.
Monday, January 11, 2010
My Life
My life is learning the compass of love...
Love...
bears all things
believes all things
hopes all things
endures all things
Love never ends...
It is easy for me to put up walls time to time and be conditional- an old habit of wanting to 'protect' myself - and at the same time, those walls are becoming harder to harder to keep up and unconditional love is my way...
Learning to love...
Nothing less in life.
Sweetest Blessings.
Love...
bears all things
believes all things
hopes all things
endures all things
Love never ends...
It is easy for me to put up walls time to time and be conditional- an old habit of wanting to 'protect' myself - and at the same time, those walls are becoming harder to harder to keep up and unconditional love is my way...
Learning to love...
Nothing less in life.
Sweetest Blessings.
Saturday, January 2, 2010
Wise Words
People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies. Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you. Be honest and sincere anyway.
What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. Create anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous. Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, will often be forgotten. Do good anyway.
Give the best you have, and it will never be enough. Give your best anyway.
In the final analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.
- Mother Teresa
Sweetest blessings!
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies. Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you. Be honest and sincere anyway.
What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. Create anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous. Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, will often be forgotten. Do good anyway.
Give the best you have, and it will never be enough. Give your best anyway.
In the final analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.
- Mother Teresa
Sweetest blessings!
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