And nothing short of God's grace...Somehow during those years 10-12 years of marriage, Ken and I learned a powerful lesson to keep our marriage alive.
MARRIAGE IS OUR LIFELONG AFFAIR
During our 16 years of marriage, we have seen some wonderful and not so wonderful marriages. Some thriving...others barely holding on...some coexisting. Personally, it is the marriages coexisting that break my heart the most.
No one ever gets married to coexist.
And yet, I see how coexisting, affairs, marriages barely holding on happen...
All of them start off with pain. This pain may be settle but it is walls of pain that start to go up and the soul starts searching for escapes...
Devastating but understandable.
I know...
I know how vulnerable a soul becomes when pain is wanting to be masked, escaped or pursued.
A soul compromises integrity for a fast fix of healing. That is the nature of our souls, with out the Holy Spirit saving our souls.
I had years of selling my soul to dead end idols and I knew we would be vulnerable if we didn't start to fight for our marriage. And with that, Ken and I changed our "marriage is safe" mind frame to "always fight for our marriage"
We are the only 2 people that will chase our marriage.
For me, keeping Ken my life long affair looks like this...
1. Treat him like my best friend.
Best friends don't keep score each other. Best friends take time for each other. Best friends have fun with each other. Best friends are just there for each other - no matter what. Period.
2. The most important hat I wear is "Ken's Wife"
How sad to think the rest of the world gets a piece of me during the day, and come the evening, Ken would only see me "dead"....don't get me wrong...My husband is amazing at having me take time for myself, sending me to the spa, pitching in whenever he can with the kids...but I intentionally don't wear 10 hats at one time, because being a wife to Ken is my most importnat hat.
I have many hats that can be replaced by someone, but I have a few hats that are non-replaceable and "Kens Wife" is one that is irreplaceable.
3. Embrace the Word of God together
All I can say is without this in our marriage, neither one of us would have the courage, humility and ability to change, as we embrace new journeys of life together.
In our marriage, we have dealt with every pillar that can build or crash a marriage. At times, I have had the spirit to change, and other times Ken has...and if we didn't have God and the Bible to be our compass, we would be lost today.
And perhaps what I love about God's Word, is it has a way of keeping both of us real and accountable to each other. I love how the Word shows both of us our dead end idols...false sense of security with money, affirmation from family...and draws our hearts of love closer together.
God is the author of love. God is the author of growing our spirits. And in order for us to blossom, often times that means throwing out trash that hinders us from growing together - no matter how painful or uncomfortable it feels.
I could make the list much longer, but off hand those 3 thoughts jump out at me. I realize all of us have different stories, but with that I also realize this: God can take any story, can take any marriage and always turn it into a story of redemption and richness never known before in ones life.
Be blessed!
xox
