Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas! Happy Hanukkah!

Merry Christmas to the souls that embrace the gift of freedom, purpose and hope through Jesus; and celebrate life to glorify Him! And Happy Holidays to my friends that embrace other beliefs. I wish you the same freedom and hope during this season.

God bless you all today. At the end of the day, no matter the holiday celebrated it comes down to a picture grander than ourselves -we are given breath today to celebrate life and worship a Creator that makes all of this possible.

May today remind us how fragile our breathes are and enable us to walk a journey that not only helps ourselves but the many voices around us that are silenced in one way or another - whether they are outright silenced, in emotional bondage or inner turmoil that no one recognizes but themselves. I am inspired to think of the man Jesus. No one understood emotional bondage better and no one overcame it better than the life Jesus.

Thank you Jesus for showing me their is always hope through pain. And the kind of hope that enables me to embrace each day, specially a day like today - Christmas.

Sweet blessings from my heart to yours on this miraculous day. Merry Christmas!

My Parents

The other night I was talking to my mom on the phone. And when I got off, I sat in my chair and thought how precious my parents are to me and my children. I was amaze in spite of how many changes both of us have gone through in the past 31 years, my picture of them is the same I grew up with.

I hope when I am 56, Ken and I can give some of the gifts my parents give me today.


To say we are married 35 years, and loving each other more on that day than the day we got married.

To have the Word of God be the compass in our life.


I could go on, but just writing those 2 lines down from my dad and mom are gifts from above.

Thank you dad and mom for being who you are. Mom, thank you for being a lady. A lady of grace, truth and courage. You always show me to courageously, but with grace, stand tall, and fight for truth no matter what is front of me.
Dad, thank you for being a picture of protection and always encouraging me to soar. You confidently protect with wisdom and are brave enough to show compassion. I am proud of you. I will never forget your retirement dinner and absorbing your success; not with your work but the success you had remain as a father through it all.

And above all, thank you for keeping each other the love of your life. If I can pass that down to Sophie and Cole, they will be beyond bless like I am.

Everyday Distractions

I recently heard a message that hit me deeply. The individual didn't call it distractions but hidden idols of the heart. At the end of the message, a list was given of possible idols that override our fulfillment in Christ and are the root of our cultures obsession of self destruction and empty fulfillment.

A few years ago, I would have heard the same message and I would have had an attitude of, "Maybe I have 2 or 3 distractions..." Not the case today. Both my husband and I nearly checked off every category. And as humbling as it was, it was freeing. Right in front of my face, I was seeing how muddy my heart is without the work of Jesus in my soul everyday. The fact that my Redeemer is able to give me freedom when I fight flesh everyday is a miracle in it self.

I was reminded how often throughout my day, I short change my freedom - from chasing distractions that I don't even recognize as distractions. I would have been able to tell you shopping is a great distraction for me...but I quickly would have stopped. Not the case today.

I hope the list below can enlighten your heart as it did for me. This week I put it on my bulletin so I remember each day who I should be pursuing and where I should be going for soul fulfillment; The Glory of God and not empty distractions.

From the individual: "Life has meaning for me or I have self worth when I pursue:

Achievement Idolatry (If I am being recognized for my accomplishments and excelling in life pursuits)

Approval Idolatry (If I am loved and respected by others)

Comfort Idolatry (If I have a particular standard or quality of life)

Control Idolatry ( If I have a mastery over my life in particular areas)

Dependence Idolatry (If someone is there to protect me)

Family Idolatry (If my kids or spouse is happy and happy with me)

Helping Idolatry (If people are dependent on me and need me)

Image Idolatry (If I have a particular look or body image)

Independence Idolatry ( If I am completely Free from responsibility to care for others)

Materialism Idolatry (If I have a certain level of wealth)

Pleasure Idolatry (If I have something fun and entertaining to look forward to in the future)

Power Idolatry (If I have power and influence over others)

Religious Idolatry ( If I am adhering to my religions moral code)

Work Idolatry ( If I am highly productive by getting a lot of accomplished)
(more on this list visit: www.perimeter.org/pope)

Jesus never lived by these idols. His passion was to share the gospel -the good news - at the expense of many of these recognizable idols that today are widely acceptable and bigger yet, are widely prized.

Some of these idols in the right perspective are healthy, of course it is a noble to want to influence others, have people around you that protect you, etc. However, it is when these idols are absent from your life and your happiness is dependent upon them - that is when you know you have crossed the line of taking care of your soul and are serving an idol bigger that our Creator.

There are way to many days I am dependent upon many of these idols for my day to be called a 'good day'. Ah. Life is humbling, but oh so freeing!!

Priceless Gifts

Happy Thanksgiving!

Priceless Gifts I am thankful for:

-Soul mate. A soul mate that passionately loves, confidently believes in you, and enables your soul to blossom - even when that means shedding layers of pain. Don't settle for anything less; Your soul is precious. Thank you KNB for 13 unforgettable years.

- Sunshine. Especially in the morning when I start my day at the lake.

- Smiles. Smiles from my lover. Smiles from a stranger. Both remind me life is never that complicated.

- God. Without my Creator, I would be living a life with empty fulfilment's.

- Suffering. I also think of Grace. Without it, I wouldn't understand freedom that enables me to stand tall everyday, and lets me embrace life and reach out to others in a way never imaginable.

- Hope. Without it, my soul would have stopped dreaming years ago.

Sweet blessings for a beautiful Thanksgiving from my heart to yours.

One day

I recently had some ladies over at my house. These ladies are not your typical ladies. Some people would look at them and say "They need help" - knowing they are from an in house therapy program. But I look at these ladies and say "Wow". They have passion in their life, courage to change old habits that once silenced their souls and confidence to learn to put on new shoes. How many individuals are willing to drop what they are doing in life, possessions and all, and humbly admit, "I need help...I can't do it on my own..I want to become stronger in my journey..."

One of the ladies shared her journey. Soul wrenching. Adopted as a young girl and then abused by her 'brother'. Another lady shared through tears how her father abused her. Shame. Isolation. Powerless. Empty. Stories were shared, all unique in their own but all at some point had moments of anger, sorrow, bitterness, resentment....and...all had the point in their story of hope.

To see the ladies stand tall because of the hope they held inside of themselves reminded me, once again, no matter the hell, no matter how dark the darkness gets, there is always hope. Sometimes that doesn't come as fast as I'd like, but hope is always there - whether we want to acknowledge its presence or not. So many times, I underestimate God. I underestimate his ability to heal...and when the times of pain come back to me I remind myself - Gods healing is more powerful that any pain I have and will ever experience.

Lets stand tall. We are serving a God that created our souls to blossom - and yes, sometimes that means pain a long the way -but really they are times to show us how vulnerable we are without our all-knowing creator!

God bless you today, and the ladies that were at my house, no matter where you are on your journey.

Caroline's Words

Last week, I went to a funeral of a beautiful, vibrant 19 year old girl, who passionately lived her life to honor Jesus. Her contagious joy and smile reminded me of my daughter's.

In front of the church, there was a bulletin board of verses she boldly had up in her college dorm room. And in the corner in the midst of many bible verses, she had a quote, "Quit - give it to Jesus." I was drawn instantly and stopped in my thoughts - I could quit having pain - for real -Pain from my past didn't need to stay a part of me. My freedom today didn't have room for past pain. Pain no longer had an invitation and I was acting like there still was an invitation. I was hanging onto pain that no longer had a part or place in my present journey.

I realized "Quit - give it to Jesus" was so 'anti-psychology' today. After intense therapy, I remember I had a Y in the road; stay victim or "Quit - give it to Jesus". I had Quit but those words showed me I was still hanging onto strings of pain. Somewhere along the way, I was hanging onto huge lies.

The lie I needed to hang onto this pain to stay true to my journey. The lie I needed to control my pain and not be able to trust my Maker to destroy it forever - but oh, that would feel too vulnerable. I would say I gave my pain to Jesus, but had I really? Why were the words "Quit - give it to Jesus" so "loud" to me? Ouch. Stab. Reality.

Without recognizing it, I was starting to grab pain that I had released months ago and it was my turn again to "Quit and give it to Jesus". And once again, it came down to my vulnerability of trusting Jesus to be my savior and not myself. The constant tension of me wanting to be my own savior and not letting Jesus.

I thought I had released my layer of pain and anger. I thought I had released my bitterness and miraculously experienced releasing forgiveness but Caroline reminded me to 'Quit. Give it all to Jesus."

Blessed Be

It is amazing to me how many times throughout a day I repeat words (see below) to keep my heart held high. Emotionally it is draining but the option is devastation to my soul...so when it comes down to it, there is no other option than besides these words...

"Blessed be Your Name, in the land that is plentiful

where streams of abundance flow, Blessed be Your Name

Blessed be Your Name, when I'm found in the desert place

Though I walk through the wilderness, Blessed be Your Name


Blessed be Your Name, when the sun's shining down on me

Blessed be Your name, when the world is all as it should be

Blessed be Your Name, on the road mark with suffering

Blessed be Your Name, though there is pain in the offering


Every blessing you pour out on, turn back to praise,

When the darkness closes in Lord, still I will say

Blessed be Your Name of the Lord, Blessed be Your Name...

Blessed be Your glorious name

You give and take away...My heart will chose to say Lord blessed be your name"

I will never understand why abuse is a part of my story or is still happening to millions of innocent children and adults across the globe. My heart will never understand...
However, with more conviction, I humbly stand tall and say this journey is not about me. I believe with all my heart the suffering I endured was meant for a story I will understand someday, because at the end of the day, this journey is not about me.

It is about, "Blessed be Your Name..."

My Mountain

Lately I've been spending a lot of time at home, due to my kids not feeling well (all of us are getting cabin fever). And thanks to my amazing husband, he has a list of "Amy's Songs" on our sonos, so it is easy to play my favorite songs without needing to look in a million places for this song or that song (I know for many reading this, they have their ipod but I've yet to get one...it will just be one more thing for me to easily lose!)

Needless to say, spending more time at home, I have been able to listen to songs more than normal....and one that came up yesterday was "Walk Down this Mountain," by Bebo Norman. This song came on shortly before I put the kids to bed, and in spite of my husband being on travels, it was like his voice being a part of us last night...and words that my best friend tells me daily, through one way or another.



"...Walk down this mountain with your heart held high


Follow in the footsteps of your Maker


With His love that has gone before you,and these people at your side


Offer up your broken cup


You will taste the meaning of this life..."


Even though Ken has never told me those words exactly, every day his eyes of protection and confidence enable me to walk down my mountain with my heart held high. I tell him often, but I don't think he really grasps without his voice of truth, I would never have been able to even start to walk down my Mountain, almost 3 years ago, with my heart held high.

"Thank you" will never match the gratitude that I hold in my soul for him....and for him, I will keep walking with my heart held high.

I love you, KNB.

Whipped Cream

I will never forget one day I was in the kitchen with my son, Cole. (One thing you need to know about Cole is he loves ice cream and he loves loves whipped cream)

So Cole has the ice cream in his bowl, passionately puts whipped cream around the entire bowl, and noticeably is pleased he has as much whipped cream as ice cream in his bowl. All I remember next, is for some reason, 5 mins later his bowl of ice cream is untouched - and the whipped cream is now a bunch of 'empty cream' on top of his ice cream....and with eyes looking as sweet as they can be, my son asks me if he can have some more whipped cream because he has 'no' whipped cream on his ice cream anymore!!

It was then I realize that whipped cream is so much like life.

How often do I get into something, want lots and lots of it (thinking it is going to fulfill me, make me happy, give me satisfaction, give a sense of control, the empty promise list goes on and on), and only fine when I am done with "it", "it" deflates and leaves me just as empty as I was before I started to get more of "it". I realized when Cole first put on the whipped cream - it looked perfect, and promising....and then minutes later it was a bunch of "nothing". Lies are amazing how they twist our mind into making us thing if we get this or do that we will be 'perfect', 'whole', lack of need etc.

I treasure how my Creator, through processing and shedding my pain, has shown me I never need "whipped cream". My vulnerability of trusting Jesus, and believing not just knowing, that He is my redeemer, my advocate, my comforter and my healer - daily and hourly - enables me to be free of grasping for more "whipped cream".

Cole to this day still loves ice cream and whipped cream. And I will admit, at times, Cole's bowl of ice cream is the best medicine for the 4 of us - with or without whipped cream.

Thanks, Cole Kenneth Joseph, for reminding me to take time out for the simple things in life...and I am more than OK with or without "whipped cream".

Sophie's Song

My daughter and I love to watch the movie Parent Trap. One of our favorite parts is when the song, "Here comes the Sun," is played.

Every time I here the song, I think of Sophie. The song cannot be played in our house without Sophie passionately dancing around singing loudly.

I love the simple moments in life, even when the sun is literally not shinning, but my soul is loudly singing, "Here comes the Sun".

I remember after 6 months of intense weekly therapy, a few years ago, I was sitting on 'my sofa' in my shrinks office and said,"I'm at the point in my journey where I can keep coming to you and play victim (and be enoucraged to play victim) or I can choose to use my pain to help others...stop focusing on the whys and starting focusing on what is my role with my past pain...how can I use it to empower others and honor my redeemer"

I was convinced the sun was able to shine - even when darkness was trying to keep it buried. I knew it would be extremely painful to let sun break deep buried darkness (because shame and anger like to put up 'stone' walls to break).However, I knew once the sun exposed the darkness - that darkness was never going to get a hold of me again - even though it tries often to this day...

Whenever I hear the song, "Here comes the Sun", I think of Jesus, my redeemer, my "Sun"...Thank you , sweet Sophie Claire Amy, for reminding me my "Sun" is with me....and is available to anyone who wants to embrace the truth that Jesus is an almighty redeemer and healer.

My Song

My wish for every soul being suppressed in their journey is they can sing the song, "I can see clearly now..."

I ached to be able to sing that song in my soul. I ached for freedom. The type of freedom that could sing "I can see clearly now that rain is gone..."

For years, before I even realized I was abused and would walk around , acting like I was all put together, being involved with this organization and that, silently my soul would ache to sing that song. I could never figure out what was getting in my way. What cloud was hanging over my voice?

In my attempt for clarity and freedom, I chased many dead idols. My dead idols were a comfort to me. At the end of the day, they were like my friends: always there for me. But unlike friends, I could control these idols - which gave me a false sense of security and power.

It was my best friend and soul mate who taught me the power of releasing that control and completely trusting a Creator who not only understood my pain, but had allowed it and would use it for good. I can see clearly now...

Even with clarity, I still have moments of unbearable pain. And at times my soul weeps silently. However; it is that pain that allows me to confidently embrace life I never thought possible and keeps me on my knees. I also know I wouldn't have the humility, mercy and compassion that compels me to love and serve many. I wouldn't trade that for all the "bright, bright, sunshiney" days in the world.

Passive Ugliness

This week 3 girls who have been exploited will be in a safe haven for the first time in their lives. They are not much older than my daughter, who just turned nine.

Exploitation is ugly. Abuse is ugly. However, being passive is uglier. At what level is it our personal responsibility to take action against this underground slavery?

We hear all the time...1 in 3 girls are abused...1 in 5 boys are abused.

4 children will die within this minute due to abuse.Those could be my children.Those are the reported cases.Those do not include the millions of young children and adults presently being exploited.

That is ugly.

Do we sit in front of our screens, in our over sized chairs and silently scream: "That's terrible, that's horrific, how can people do this to innocent children?" when we hear of a story? And somehow our few words of muttering make us feel like we doing our part to stop this horrific slavery, that is happening in our cities and suburbs.

I used to do that.

That is ugly. Until 3 years ago.

After I realized what happened to me as a young girl, for the first time in my life, I could not remain a passive voice. I was not going to let darkness, guilt, and shame silence my voice any longer. I was not going to let darkness silence other voices that never have, and may never get a chance to speak out and break from their chains.

Yes, hell was a part of my journey, and hell was ugly. However; to passively ignore the rest of the children and individuals today who are experiencing hell is uglier. No doubt, hell likes to make its mark in our world. But what hell forgets is once it's discovered, freedom is born.

The type of freedom that conquers all hell and breaks all chains.

The type of freedom that once found, can never die.

The type of freedom that can only shout because at one time it was silenced, and isolated, and ugly.

I will no longer let passivity be a part of my jounrey. To remain passive will only add to ugliness.

First Post

This is the first post to a site that will shine a bright light on the darkness of abuse and be a voice for the voiceless.