Thank You

Thank you Jesus. Thank you for showing me no matter the amount of pain, you rescue my soul and provide green pastures that souls soar.

Thank you Jesus. Thank you for showing me no matter what, I am never alone. You are always with me. Your hand print is all over creation and your voice is heard through the sweet words in the bible, in my quiet hours with you, and friends that come a long and support me

Thank you Jesus. Thank you for having abuse be a part of my story. With out it, I would be a judgemental, pharisaical, lady trying to fix everyone.

Thank you Jesus. Thank you for being the person, spirit and being complete. And yet loving me so much allow healing in my journey in this short road - called life.

And most of all Jesus, Thank you for Ken. Through Ken - I have seen how you want to protect, impact and have freedom ring loudly in each of our souls. Through Ken I have felt love only made in movies and have felt protection that are only like in fairy tales. Thank you for teaching me to trust Ken to the point he knows my heart and vulnerabilities. Thank you Jesus - if I experience nothing else in life and Ken and I are all we have - I am beyond the most blessed lady alive.

Letting Go

I'm learning to let go

Let go of a clean house
Let go of a spotless kitchen
Let go of empty trash bins

I'm learning to let go

Let go of anger
Let go of pain
Let go of fear

I'm learning to let go....and I'm learning step by step

to embrace a "dirty" house
to embrace a "messy" kitchen
to embrace half filled trash bins

I'm learinng step by step

to embrace grace
to embrace healing
to embrace trust

I'm learning step by step...and there is no going back

Sweet blessings.

Friday Freedom

Or is it Friday Fear- fear of a new path never taken?? You see, I just signed Cole's withdrawal papers from his private school today so he can be home schooled...what in the world????.....AHHHHH!!!! What a week. I'm in such awe of my past week, I'm not even sure what to write...God has been so gracious in directing my path this week...I am rather emotional today...tears just kept coming out....tears of joy.....tears of joy to see my son "relaxed" with his life....and most of all, tears of joy to see how God consistently meets me in my path and orchestrates situations that I could never orchestrate on my own....

To give you some appreciation for my story this week, let me first fill you in on a few things:

Cole goes to a private school and have been going to school since preschool age....I love my space AND flexibility as much as I love my 2 darlings....I have my days I work out, I have my days to meet friends...I, I, I....I NEVER - as Ken was NEVER - going to home school (even the idea of writing home school could make me nauseous)

So here it is: In two weeks I start to home school our son.

Okay - that was never in my plans. That was never to even be considered, let alone act upon.So the obvious question, what changed...love, my gut, God changing my heart - call it what you want - ...as what changes all important things in my life, there is a point that love rules over logic....(getting married at 19 and finishing my degree WHILE being married...at 17 if I would have known in 2 years I would be married, I would have laughed and said after my degree, and after I do my international business experience...but when a heart falls in love...it falls in love and there is no going back....)

On my own I dismiss homeschooling but my heart leaps when I know home schooling will allow Cole to enjoy his strengths with learning, foster confidence and discipline, allow him to embrace his passion with athletics and music, allow him to take trips over to Zambia....since he will have more flexibility in his days and weeks....now that is an education that a boy will not forget....

This past Thursday, on the way from school, Cole & I had a fantastic heart to heart mother-son talk.... After our talk, Ken and I decided Cole's last week at school would be next Friday.... and we would start home schooling...forget the hesitations, the stereotypes, my fears, and perhaps the biggest of them all for me - the comfort of my son being in a "private" school.....step up and create a day to day life for Cole that embraces his strengths.

A huge part of this story that I haven't shared is my individual journey...During all of this, this past week I was so desperate to just go out and shop and become numb to what was really happening inside of my sons heart - all for a 'quick fix' for some 'artificial control'....but I stuck to my resolved heart that I no longer was a slave to shopping...don't let me discount the power of the holy spirit working in my heart at the times I was able to restrain)

I have no doubt it is because of my freedom from shopping that this past week so many answers came for our family with Cole - I had time and energy to invest in Cole - And I know if I would have been going through my week doing this and that - I would have easily dismissed my heart to heart talk with Cole on Thursday and the hundreds of conversations we have had all year as a family.

This week it has struck me how deeply the art and calling of parenting really is and the time it is required to stay emotionally in tune to my children. I love it that my "career" right now is being an advocate for Sophie and Cole - no matter how they are schooled. I wouldn't trade it in for anything. And with that, comes putting "hats" away for right now - it is not a sacrifice but rather a privilege that these two children trust me to be their advocate.

Like I told Ken, whatever my "career" is at any given point in time, I take it seriously and dive into 110%....to the point that I am willing to do whatever it is to see my children's souls "sing"...and sometimes that means putting my fears, hesitations, desire to be in control aside so freedom can be the song....and my son Cole can walk through life not being silence but heard....

Silenced but heard...I will do any thing for a soul to be heard and right now that means fighting for my son - not the girls on the street or at wellspring - but for my son Cole Kenneth Joseph.

I look forward to many more Fridays - not Fridays with fear but Fridays with freedom.

Sweet blessings from my heart to yours!!

Some Truth

I love these words of truth:

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.”- Isaiah 55:8-9

Sweet blessings.