My Mind

I desperately need to take time to renew my mind. My heart leaps with freedom - even if from the outside my life appears to be doing day to day activities. I find when I don’t, I become consumed with myself, become consumed with putting ‘happiness’ in a box, become consumed with everything “I need to fix”, become consumed with perfection in every aspect of my life - ah - such a deadly idol.

And yet I say that cautiously - because it is that same drive that compels me to have a marriage that is beyond co-existing, have an authentic relationship with my 10 year old daughter, and have a relationship with Jesus that is based on grace not works.

I know I have crossed the line of renewing my mind and killing my mind with perfection when I find my thoughts consumed with earthly idols that are brick and stone at the end of the day.

I think of Colossians

Col 1: 9-15
 .....asking God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding. And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light. For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.
This comes alive to me more than ever as Sophie shares her heart with me each night and wrestles with growing up as a 10 year old....what to absorb, what to let go, what to embrace, what to shed...

This week as I am renewing my mind - I keep asking myself - If God is the source of truth in my life, I need to embrace His belief system completely - not selectively - as it is often easy to do in my quiet time. I almost laugh at my hypocrisy in life - I tend to renew my mind with what I want to only hear - not what God’s word has to say about everything in my life - and I know I don’t go their because perhaps believing His entire word would cause me to have to examine parts of my life - and ouch - that might mean more shedding layers of false protection.

At the end of the day - I go to great lengths to not be hurt in life and I realize I am still trying to control my life instead of trusting in God’s words when I take time to renew my mind each day.

I love my journey - watching Gods truth transform my actions and not just stay neatly tucked in my mind.

Letting go...

Renewing my mind.

Sweetest blessings!

My Stillness

My escape from my soul at times, is to become really busy - the type of busy that to others it appears productive and far from destructive. And if I’m not busy, I’m shopping, I’m organizing, I’m designing, I’m critiquing...using a lot of energy to try to perfect something in that moment of vulnerability - all to find a few hours later - my soul is still restless. However; I know it is a mask for me letting myself learn to be still... I still have to train my mind, stillness is resting not fighting.

This year I’m done with that cycle.

I’m done spending hours shopping (in spite for those pair of shoes a lady always needs!); I’m done appearing busy (I do have time to be still); and I’m done judging, critiquing, waiting for perfection...I’m done.

Perhaps I see this more clearly now since I’m intentionally letting myself be filled with stillness - My favorite time in Yoga is at the end when I just lay still on the floor...and as my body is resting, my soul is praying and realizing I’m teaching my body to rest - not fight. I am ok...

I’m beyond ok...

I’m free...

Just like I use to feel when I would play the piano for hours growing up...

And perhaps the most rewarding of all, I’m learning to become still with Sophie and Cole and take their journeys in stride - and let them go as God directs their paths that were planned eons before I became a mother to them.

My stillness -

My new resting spot -

Right next to Ken.