real they are...and that is where I am today. I am in awe as I write today.
The last time I wrote, our family was living in a gated lake community on the East Coast and a family of four. Today, we are in the process to adopt a little girl from China and living in Orange County. And to see God continue to carry me through these changes - and never be so peaceful in my life - (never mind I am building new relationships through friendships & design, adopting, and more school changes with a new high school)- shows me once again, what happens when I step out of the way and let God take my reigns.
God is faithful.
Oh, how I doubt that at times. Particularly when I am in emotional pain. However; after watching my soul experience rest it is easier and easier to not only step out of the captains seat but stay out of the captains seat. God has seen me in the ditch - time and time and time again - and I know will see me in the ditch again - however my ditch never takes away how real His mercies are in my life. His faithfulness never weavers.
Shortly after we moved out here, I met a Christian acupuncturist who treated my five meridians....long story short, I literally could feel my emotions be freed and God's truths sink deeper into my soul. My spirit tasted deep rest. I have always known God's truths, but to let them sink deeply to the point it changes my outlook everyday has not always hold true in my life.
Hard work? Extremely. Draining during the treatments? Extremely. Worth it? Absolutely
I get so stubborn thinking "I can fix things." I make my journey harder than it is, and forget life is not meant to be a burden. There is nothing beautiful about a testimony that always has "burdens".
Our culture thrives on souls carrying burdens. We rally around those with burdens. We get help easily. We get attention. We get justified. And yet... as I continue on my journey, I never see Jesus instruct us to carry our story to the point it defines us, or stay justified in our pain, or excuses us from being healed.
Since our move to California, I watch God everyday put people in my path that continue to be a part of my journey of freedom. From new friendships who are free in Christ to even the "random" Notary at the UPS store for our adoption - God is in every single detail. I am also convinced I see God in every detail because I stopped telling God what I need, and when to show up and how to help me.
I let go.Deep breath.
I trust God's ways more than my ways.
Deep breath.
I give Ken space in my heart to stay, not come and go.
Deep breath.
God created my soul. God knows what I need, when I need it, and how my soul thrives.
Deep breath.
God is faithful.
I don't know where you are at in your journey, but if freedom is not a part of your everyday spirit, stand tall and seek help. Whether that is through a confided friend, or a therapist - seek help. I am 36 and since 29 seeking help has been and continues to be a part of my journey. I love showing my children seeking help is not for the weak but for the courageous. Our hearts are meant to be healed. Pain is hard to understand but all I know is my pain - physically, emotionally and spiritually - all keep showing me how faithful my God is and if I had to do over - I would go through it all again because without pain, I would never understand God's redemptive hand of healing and freedom.
God is my faithful redeemer.
Blossom & be blessed!
xox
1 comment:
That's beautiful, Amy. I have so many thoughts reading this; thanks for spurring me forward.
Michelle
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