After I got married I didn't know when I wanted to have kids - in spite of not being aware of my absue until I was 28 years old. All I knew was the fear of bringing a child into the world because deep down I never wanted to let a child down and the best option I thought at the time was to keep life 'safe' for Ken and I. After a few years, we had Sophie and that was the bginning of God showing me the beauty of letting go...And God showing me the picture of freedom and vulnerability is a MILLION times bigger than a 'safe' and fear life - which ultimately only brings more bondage and fear into my life.
So now when I come upon something I sense is fear driven and sense a bigger vulnerability and calling from God...bringing orphans into our home, spending more of my time sharing freedom with souls - and less time on 'perfecting' myself, throwing myself into motherhood - knowing in 9 years my daughter will be leaving our home and entering her own journey with God (God doesn't have grandchildren)- that all feels out of control and not a lot of ducks in a row each day - but having buckets of priceless joy.
Sometimes I have to push myself out of my cocoon (sometimes eyes opened other times eyes shut), stop analyzing everything to make sure its 'safe' - and I put my arms up in the air and breathe.......and say embrace the gifts that come along my journey, walk confidently because no path is ever on detour, treat circumstances that feel like thorns and recognize with a thorn is a bigger rose, remind myself God carries my pain, and let my heart accept a priceless freedom that anyone would say is from the same Creator who controls the height of the waves, the speed of the wind and opens up the lilies each day... Sometimes that all sounds and seems to simple and GOOD - but that is it - it is...and my arms are raised high.
Sweet blessings from my hearts to yours!
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