A Year

This time of year makes me think about so much...one because my birthday is coming up and secondly because its getting close to school time...

This past week it hit how differently I am than last year at this time...at this time last year Cole was signed up for a sport, Sophie ballet, both enrolled in a private school, part of a discipleship group, had no problem snapping at my kids or ken - and sweet to everyone else, felt 'safe' as I served on a board for abused women, consumed with how soon can I go shopping, when will my cleaning lady come to clean my house and the list goes on...

And yet this is my week to date:

Neither Sophie or Cole are signed up for extra curricular activties; I don't snap at my husband and kids (yes - there are still days) from passive anger; Resigned from my board because I can be a voice for the voiceless with my 2 children and husband; Participating in home schooling; Somehow can't pay my cleaning lady because 400.00 goes a long ways to help orphans who have no freedom; Had conversations with people that are typically written off in our society; I am consumed with writing my book and seeing how our family can share freedom with ladies who are bound in emotional baggage from ugly abuse; And somehow the desire to get the latest and greatest for myself - and even for my children - is become lesser and lesser...

This may all sound like 'no big deal' but for me - those are nothing short of mountains being moved in my journey so I taste freedom...and now share freedom with orphans and widows...

I think of the past year and how God has been more than gracious as he continues to hold me in His palm - including the days I still have "temper tantrums" - and can only imagine what a year from now will look like...

And I end with this...to the brave beautiful souls who are taking baby steps of exposing darkness let my little testimony of how drastically my july in 2009 compared to july 2009 is be a glimpse of hope for you in your journey.

Stop trying to move mountains on your own.
Stop trying to gain God's favor
Stop trying to play peace maker in your life
Stop trying to look at the Bible as a self-help book
Stop trying to forget your abuse and embrace God carrying your pain

God didn't send Jesus for peace but for freedom...and sometimes that road to freedom is lonely, costly to relationships and more than vulnerable at times...but worth every step and more.

Sweet blessings from my heart to yours...My heart is with you each step.