My Questions

Journal entry 1.30.06

Why...Why...Why didn't anyone notice? How fast will I heal? ...Those are some questions I wrote down before I went to see my therapist back in January 2006.

Oh my - how fast will I heal?!... Here it is 2009 and I have been down so many roads to heal - if Helen would have told me upfront my healing was only going to deal with my heart - and no one elses or no one elses reactions - I don't think I would have believed her bc at that time in my walk I was looking for someone to fix everything, someone to blame and for someone to answer all of my whys...

Somehow between now that then, God has gently shown me it is not about getting my whys answered but what I do with the pain to grow in my walk. It isn't about yesterday: it is about today.

God led and continues to lead my healing in baby steps and there is no timetable or one path to heal. I often fine in my tender moments of pain that my healing takes place in trusting God and His plan for my life - that regardless of the pain - His plan for me is bigger than pain and He didn't create my soul to rest in pain but to embrace moments He gives me daily with people that are close and dear to my heart.

I don't know what you are going through today, but don't run from your questions or fears in life - Rather embrace them, go after them so you can understand them for what they are and they don't become bigger balloons in your life than they need to be.

For years I felt anxious and guilty -could never figure out why - and chased perfectionism...And yet throught that, I was determined to get the bottom of it and I praise God He showed me the umbrella of pain that was subconsciously hanging over my head for years.

I now look at tender moments or down days as times God getting my attention and it is my job to unpeel my pain so I live in freedom...the kind that makes me want to skip and not just walk each day!

Sweet blessings to you today!