Strawberry Crepes

This past week, I had 5 breakfasts with my grandma - each time with strawberry crepes.

Growing up down the street from my grandmother, it was not uncommon for my sisters and I to walk down to her house and have her homemade crepes for brunch. And with strawberries, real maple syrup and brown sugar in them, breakfast and life never felt sweeter!

Fast forward to present day -

My grandmother has a brain tumor. I'm not sure how many times I will have the chance to have crepes with her. Knowing my time was limited with her in Michigan, and knowing she doesn't have much energy (in spite of her doing physical therapy and smiling like she has 20 years to live), I tried to think of something special I could bring to her...crepes came to mind and I know it was my turn to "make" them.

Each morning at 9:00am I would leave my parents home, drive to pick up her favorite mocha cappuccino and strawberry crepes. By the 3rd morning, it was starting to feel like a precious routine. By the 5th morning, I knew it was my last.

Driving to my grandmothers the last morning, the day before I flew back home, tears started and I got a knot in my stomach...How do I smile at my grandma as I sit and know this may be the last time I see her or if I do see her again, her hair will have fallen out...

And as quickly as tears came to my eyes, driving down the road to her picturesque setting nestled between some trees, I felt freedom.

Freedom unlike any other before.

My freedom in bringing breakfast to her each morning, was the fact I had worked through so many emotions with my abuse (although my abuse never had to do anything with her). I knew if I had stayed in my bondage, I never would have the emotional capacity to be a support to her like I was. Simply because in bondage, it takes all strength to stay alive each day and the idea of reaching out doesn't exist. Anger consumes and clouds all thought and emotions. I was in that cycle for 3 years - having times of freedom but a clouded cycle.

I was watching myself do things for my grandma that came from strength that I use to devote to anger and hurt.

I was so happy for my "seen" freedom to fighting tears talking with Grandma - I didn't know what to feel at times at that last breakfast with my Grandma Lorene.

God showed me once again, life is to short to not to enjoy simple moments in life like sharing strawberry crepes with my grandmother. And yet, with out the persistence of fighting all walls of abuse, I have no doubt I would have robbed myself of the most precious 5 breakfasts of my life.

Fight to break down walls - no matter how painful it feels because the time in ones life when 5 breakfasts comes along - is mostly likely during a time least expected. It was for me. A week before I flew up to see my family, I was at the lake with my precious darling. I was never expecting to get a call my vibrant healthy grandma had a brain tumor.

I believe in healing and I believe in prayer. Even though reality is telling me I won't have a 6th breakfast eating strawberry crepes with my grandma, I'm planning on it - whether it is here or in years when both of us are in forever freedom.

Sweetest blessings from my heart to yours.

PS

I love you Grandma. And If I could, I would bring crepes for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

xoxo