Caroline's Words

Last week, I went to a funeral of a beautiful, vibrant 19 year old girl, who passionately lived her life to honor Jesus. Her contagious joy and smile reminded me of my daughter's.

In front of the church, there was a bulletin board of verses she boldly had up in her college dorm room. And in the corner in the midst of many bible verses, she had a quote, "Quit - give it to Jesus." I was drawn instantly and stopped in my thoughts - I could quit having pain - for real -Pain from my past didn't need to stay a part of me. My freedom today didn't have room for past pain. Pain no longer had an invitation and I was acting like there still was an invitation. I was hanging onto pain that no longer had a part or place in my present journey.

I realized "Quit - give it to Jesus" was so 'anti-psychology' today. After intense therapy, I remember I had a Y in the road; stay victim or "Quit - give it to Jesus". I had Quit but those words showed me I was still hanging onto strings of pain. Somewhere along the way, I was hanging onto huge lies.

The lie I needed to hang onto this pain to stay true to my journey. The lie I needed to control my pain and not be able to trust my Maker to destroy it forever - but oh, that would feel too vulnerable. I would say I gave my pain to Jesus, but had I really? Why were the words "Quit - give it to Jesus" so "loud" to me? Ouch. Stab. Reality.

Without recognizing it, I was starting to grab pain that I had released months ago and it was my turn again to "Quit and give it to Jesus". And once again, it came down to my vulnerability of trusting Jesus to be my savior and not myself. The constant tension of me wanting to be my own savior and not letting Jesus.

I thought I had released my layer of pain and anger. I thought I had released my bitterness and miraculously experienced releasing forgiveness but Caroline reminded me to 'Quit. Give it all to Jesus."