Last week I spontaneously decided we would go to siesta key. Sophie and Cole were beyond surprised. I will never forget their expressions when we took them out for chinese and told them they had a surprise in their fortune cookies...at best - Cole was hoping we would go see a movie on a school night!!
The flip side to the story is how vulnerable my heart being able to get to that point.
When Friday morning came for me to pack, all I could do was sit on my barstool in my kitchen....it wasn’t that I was not wanting to go but I knew we would be with family....my stomach still gets knots when I think of children being with family - that is when I would be violated.
As I sat in my kitchen friday morning - I sensed my soul in tension - I could feel my body just wanting to ‘freeze’...the defining Y in the road for me...Do I freeze or do I embrace freedom? Do I go ahead and pack - even as tears of pain still release from my past years ago - or do I stay in my safe, well planned out controlled day?
My body was wanting to shut down and just sit in a corner while feeling ‘safe’...Bigger than that, my spirit was begging me to stay out of my shell and embrace the sweet gift of being able to go to a white sand beach with my precious angels.
This past weekend I realized how much my body fights me as I continue to embrace freedom - my body still wants to stay safe...my stomach gets knots...tears come out when I pack....I get anxious..
.
Enough.
How do I expect to embrace freedom If I keep following habits of old that are bondage ?
How do I expect my children to embrace freedom in their walk if I keep them isolated?
I have no doubt God pours grace upon me in those moments and gently reminds again....I am more than safe...I am in the palm of His Hand and He has set me free...and than all anxiety is released and I am able to fly in freedom without looking back.
Embracing freedom is beyond vulnerable for me. And I love seeing that as I wrestle with it everyday - even though all Sophie and Cole see is us 4 getting excited to go another trip with each other.
Sweetest blessings from my heart to yours.
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