My Escapes

Piano....Motherhood....Religion....InteriorDesign....Anger....
Helping other souls.....Exercise....HealthFood....Marriage...Shopping

I look at this list and ponder - how many more worlds will I escape to and use to mask pain that only Jesus can heal? Sometimes I wonder - how does my life look when I am ready to surrender all of my pain to Him (It still is a lack of trust and need for control)? Will I be more content? Do I stop chasing distractions - good and bad? Does my heart have so much freedom I only know how to shout for joy 24/7? I don't think so. I think I will always have pain but to the extent it will be a scar..just that - a scar - no more and no less.

This past week I came upon some old journals and it struck me how long I have been fighting 'this pain': December 2005/January 2006.

-Why didn't anyone tell me when pain is shed, it is a good 4 year (and maybe longer) journey that demands time and grace, and more time and grace? (Although I doubt I would have let my self accepted that and thought - a good 3 months of therapy and I will be "done")
-Why didn't anyone tell me, when pain is shed, distractions become more ugly than ever before?
-Why, Why, Why...I have so many whys.

On the flip side of Whys...

-Why am I married to a man that doesn't abuse me - physically or verbally? Most ladies in my shoes stay in the 'pain' that was given to them as a child.
-Why am I in a situation to stay home so I can have the gift of soaking up little moments with my daughter and son - when millions of successful people are out of a job right now - and millions more have nothing but a cardboard box they call home?
-Why am I able to celebrate life through a set of beliefs that continue to show me freedom?
-Why, Why, Why...so many more whys.

I don't have any answers besides I have to many whys, that I am blessed with that I can't help - help break the silence of pain for hundreds of other individuals who never will be able to break their silence on their own....and pray my soul doesn't get wrapped up with 10 new worlds of escapes (that is likely to happen) but the world of Jesus.

Sweet blessings from my heart to yours.