I tell Ken this...thinking by not only writing this down in my journal, planner, but now telling Ken, "resting" will be as natural as going to the spa for me!
My heart is working on this, as this past winter I am seeing a therapist again. Nothing in particular brought therapy back into my world, besides sensing I need to unload more layers for my soul.
This is confirmed when I see a specialist, and knowing nothing about my story, the Dr says ,"I will not work on you until you see a therapist." Wow. Yes - the body and soul are one.
Needless to say, the therapist knows my soul wants to rest. I still fight wanting to not stay busy all of the time. When I am busy I don't have time to grieve, I don't have time to feel betrayal.
Amazing how betrayal feels so real 25 years later.
I am still understanding what trust looks and feels like in relationships. Ken is my perfect picture of trust and I love him being my picture of trust.
I want to let go all of my hurt, and somehow that still feels to vulernable. I know God is my advocate and I rejoice He is that for me, yet somehow these layers still feel to deep for him to carry for me. I almost laugh bc somehow I think Gods grace and mercy can heal and redeem any story, but when it comes to mine, I am still learning His grace is sufficient for ME.
Right now lighting a candle and sitting is the best medicine for me...Basking in the presence of the Holy Spirit...teaching myself resting is safe, healing, and good. I am literally teaching my body, I can rest without being hurt by someone. I can rest. I can trust!
Resting.
Peaceful.
Smiling.
Be blessed today! xox
